Visual screenplay links : ENGLISH / FRENCH
A short screenplay, 12 minutes duration, I made for a screenwriting challenge.
Genre: Hard Sci-Fi.
On top of the visual screenplay (korean format), I also made a western format version:
Not exactly the same, it's a 10 minutes version.
It can be useful for people wondering HOW to cut 2 pages out of 12.
I also think this version is probably better, even if I had to cut some good elements.
I still advice to read Visual Screenplay first. Visuals are gorgeous!
Below the picture is the logline. Don't read if you don't want any spoiler.
Logline :
Russian astronauts fulfill their mission in the silent space, until something impossible happens...
A scream!!!
I like this controversial "something deaf hears your scream." It was intriguing right from the start. Ha, okay, tough Russians, adopt a bear, and images of saints—probably some miniature icons. I can't say anything about space technology but icons. That's realistic!
ReplyDeleteDang, I'm not a sci-fi person, but I love space horror. As I was reading, I heard that scream sound. Nice work! It was my first short story in script format, and I enjoyed it. You may evolve it into a full-movie script because the premise looks promising.
Hi Nika, thanks for reading. You probably have read the western screenplay version. And I'm sorry, I just realize it wasn't clear the links for visuals was at start and I just modified my post. Indeed, I got real photos of ISS, and there was a cross and saint icons.
DeleteYeah, we first have feeling it could be space horror: terrible alien killing people. But I had need a full movie for that. And anyway, I wanted something positive, or some hope. So this space monster is deaf, but can hear a scream, it's an empath, can feel emotions of other beings in the distance.
We don't know much about the alien, but the sea-urchin makes think it's not a predator monster. More a peaceful alien needing some defense, like space spines as a Scream, and a zone of silence once we are close.
Oh, no, my bad! I'm not good at reading scripts, I guess. I should practice more. Thank you for explaining the depth and sense of your story. I like it more this way, no need for a full length then. And oh, what a moving short movie would it be!
DeleteGreat script @WE! I enjoyed it. It had enough balance between character moments before the suspense and you did really great with the technical 'details'. I read the Korean version script. I liked the photos you found. They really augmented the script.
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed by your rendition of the alien as a space spiny urchin empath who must also be amazingly telepathic to know how to manage moving a human body and presumably keep it alive while possessing it for the first time.
Yes, I like a story of hope. It does sound like the start of a possible movie. What happened after you submitted it for the challenge?
Hi GB. Glad to see your comment. It boosts my motivation!
DeleteI haven't submitted the script yet. It asks for 10 pages and I have 12. Out of curiosity, if I have time, I'll cut it down to 10 pages. Some content will be lost, but after all, I spend my time rewriting and juggling scenes. Still, I'll keep the full version for visual screenplay.
I don't think I can make a movie out of it. For once I'm able to do something short.
The alien is an empath, but not a telepath, as we can see that it has difficulty understanding what to do in the airlock.
There's a lot I don't explain, but the audience can guess:
- The alien has certainly encountered other species in the universe. And perhaps species similar to humans, or of the same technological level. Because it's not interested in learning more and visiting Earth. Nothing interesting or new.
- It has certainly, from time to time, taken control of various species.
- It's likely that it can travel faster than light. So, it made a stopover on its journey because Earth is home to living beings. Unfortunately, nothing interesting turned up.
- On its approach, it accidentally carried a shower of dust with it. Hence the fact that it saves the two humans it has accidentally endangered.
- The scream resembles the quills of a sea urchin, just in the form of strange waves, reaching further into space.
In a way, the idea probably came partly from a discussion on BOD. About space travel being like ocean travel. What if there were species adapted to life in space, just as there are species adapted to life in the ocean? Species that don't need spaceships.
So interesting. What was the source of the silence and why did silence depart with The Scream?
ReplyDeleteThe challenge was: a character has to be deaf.
DeleteOnly, I had no idea with a born deaf character, so I was thinking: just make the guy deaf during the story. So, what can make someone deaf? For a complicated (but more simple reason) for me, I put an alien with a scream. Then it wasn't really that, I couldn't make the men deaf.
I wrote a tagline in a way it subverts the tagline "in space no one hear your screams", so many used in movies or b-movies. I was just looking for a "cool" effect. I did the one you read on the picture. But it was a bit absurd, and when I was thinking about that further, it means: how the alien can hear if it's deaf? Then "empath" idea. Then I could make the challenge, the deaf character are not humans but the alien!
As the alien is deaf, no wonder why: this crazy guy screams into space, and I was thinking, of course the alien can't hear anything with such a scream, too much noise even for itself.
Then I was thinking about cyclons. In this kind of giant tornado, outside is very violent winds, but in the heart is "the eye of the cyclon", quiet and no wind. What makes outside the alien a violent scream, but close to it, in the center is a total silence. Silence is great for a deaf alien. Then, as is the scream supernatural to spread wave into outer space, the silent zone is also supernatural, forcing silence in proximity of the alien.
I think with that, you have a lot of the idea chain in real time. ;-)
Thanks for the detailed explanation and flow of the process that you went through @WE. It's only when we speak with the Writer can we know all these details. What happens is that most of the time we are wondering what 'that' was all about and have to make unverifiable guesses. Still something of your explanation might have slowly occurred to viewers/readers, so it was within our possible knowledge and experience that we could find a likely explanation.
ReplyDeleteThe process sounds familiar, because should I write fiction, especially something sci-fi or supernatural, I'd have to start somewhere and build around it too, and then try to make all the parts coherent without too many plot holes.
I was just watching some YT videos on plot holes and was amused. I'll send you the links on MDL. :-)
Yep. Once everything was coherent, I just show how things happen. With some clues, visuals or sounds. We get the first moment when the Scream stops and glows pink. But in case it wasn't enough obvious, I put it at the end too, and even specify it seems to empathize.
DeleteElse, I didn't give any explanation, because I think it's obvious, audience can easely guess. I said I give a lot of explanations in W season 2, but I don't about what is obvious, like here. I'll check your message on MD. ;-)